fade

                        some people say, your not being yourself today...im always myself, your just seeing the me i am at home, or when im alone, at school im all happy and smiley, if youve seen me when im not smiling thats the me when your not around, theres a me deep down in the depths of my personality shut away, kept in the dark, chained down by the burdens keeping me back. everything in my world is fading, the color slips lie water, slides through the cracks of time like sand, the color is gone, i see black and white through my tired eyes. as i wake up in the morning and lay there hating that i woke up from the dream i was having, theres still color in my dreams, it hasnt been sucked dry from the disappointments of reality. during the day im not who im playing along to be, all im doin is tryin to please everyone and get by and go home, except for the few good friends i have, they make life bearable, theyre the color in my dreams, every day i fade more an more, im always there in person but my heart and mind is somewhere else, dreaming, hiding itself from the society surrounding me, engulfing me in its vast lonliness, theres nothing here for me, at home i can be me, i can be anything i want, no criticizing, no arguing, no annoying little voice in the bac of my head telling me what i should or shouldnt do, at home that voice is silent, im stuck in a hole that seems to do nothing but dig itself deeper, im trapped at the bottom where theres no light, no comfort, just nothing but cold darkness, im away from the sun, i cry out, but my voice gets lost in an echo somewhere in the darkness, no one can here me down here, the only thing that can get me out is my will and strength, and along with the rest of me even those are fading, wilting, drying out. my soul cries for existence, forgivness for whatever ive done in my life, every mistake i made, every burden unloaded upon my shoulders,te aches and pain of isolation amongst others...im becoming transparent, see through, hopefully some light will shine through me and give me new life. to everyone who reads this, dont worry im not suicidal, everything im going through will be fine, dont worry ill get through it like i always do, on my own, but maybe with some help of a close friend...thank you logan, you are that friend.