on the mend

                             i honestly thought there would be no end to what i was living, what i would call a Friday night nightmare, well because it was Friday night at a band competition, the state competition, after three tornado warnings id say our minds were elsewhere thinking about a potential tornado swooping down crashing through the ceiling and sweeping us away like rags. although thankfully that never happened, we got a second place rating, which isn't too bad but we could've done better. after we were done performing we packed away to our designated homeroom and there on did what we wanted, walked around, goofed around, which we later payed for, and just had fun, but it was getting almost unbearable to stay in this over packed school with hundreds of students, so i decided so walk outside to relax and catch my breathe, then realizing that there was a substantial down pour of rain, not too bad but enough to get you pretty wet if you stayed out there long enough, but alone i could not fore more than a minute, and then out comes some good friends of mine. and after a series of events i found myself walking in the rain, in somewhat of a stupor, i wasn't truly connected with the world at that point, i could hear the rolling echo of thunder smashing through the dark blackened sky as i trudged along, the flashes of lightning lighting up the dark sky into a pale purple, i walked and walked, letting the rain wash me away, feeling it soak in and wash myself clean, feeling the rain run through my hair, it felt as if the sky felt my pain as well, as if it were crying the tears i couldn't find. and i just stood there, knowing id probably get in trouble because i was drenched, but what did i care? and i started walking, i was making my way around the school and i saw this tree with flowers on it, and i pulled off a flower, and just stared out into the night, and to the flower, and back out into the night, now i was truly alone, i had my wish. and i kept walking, walked right up to a window and saw that some of my friends in choir were singing, and sitting and laughing, and all that separated me from them was not even an inch of glass, but then again i was miles away, and i just walking, not knowing where to go, and it didn't matter if i knew or didn't know, i was just walking, avoiding my shadow, trying walk far enough i would walk right out of my own body, and fly way away with the wind. and as the night dragged on, i grew weary walking and i headed back inside the school, thinking to myself, "great...back to the old drama in a new place". and with night aging the rain poured on, the thunder continued its smashing down, and the lightning continued to zap the earth with bolts of white light and fury, but finally the contested died away, and we loaded up and rolled out of the parking lot, and left for home. as the long haul back to Jacksonville progressed, so did the rain, and the humidity and goofiness of the bus. and when we arrived home we left as quickly as we unloaded, with lightning speed, leaving a huge trail behind us. and on the ride home another series of events sent me into to a new spiralling downfall of depression, leaving me to drown in anguish and pain i somehow must have deserved  for the rest of the weekend. but with time my heart has mended, and the familiar pain is beginning to subside, it will always be there, but its numbed for now, thank you to all the friends who have my back, you saved me.